Yet Another Round of Drunken Vault Hunting
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: Ever wonder what sort of madness or weird hilarity would ensue if our Vault hunting friends had a wee too much booze? Have a look!


**Yet Another Round of Drunken Hunting**

 **I once more claim no ownership rights over Borderlands or 2K Games. If for any reasons this story may cause readers side effects like muscle spasms, hysterical incessant laughter, loss of sanity and total incoherent gibberish, then I deny everything.**

It was yet another lazy Saturday night at Moxxi's where our Vault Hunters were getting themselves inebriated and heavily intoxicated beyond the sake of ever becoming sober because, well, let's just say whatever happens at Moxxi's definitely stays at Moxxi's because only disastrous events of the unthinkable kind would ensue if anyone ever witnessed what shenanigans occurred in the bar.

"hic… hey, hey Axton… hic, I gots an idea that'll be sooo fucking funny…" Maya blubbered drunkenly, snorting bubbles out of her mouth as her husband Axton laughed uproariously.

"You so drunk girl it's way too funny! Alright let's hit it!" Axton shouted like a crazed madman, as the two bowled over a couple customers and headed for the Fast Travel Station while a schnockered Zer0 and Salvador, and a totally plastered Wilhelm and Athena followed, whilst Nisha, Angel, Brick, Lilith, Mordecai and Moxxi watched all knowing what was coming.

"Same bet as always?" Moxxi asked

"Mm-hmm" Nisha answered

"Boy, considering how much Maya and Axton gulped down, this oughta be one hell of a night." Mordecai stated

 **The next morning…**

Zer0 woke up with a massive headache and found himself laying on top of a bloated spiderant corpse. The ninja then noticed the massive wreckages of bandit cars and buzzards strewn across the Dust and Salvador himself was facedown atop a pile of bullymong dung. An amused grin formed on Zer0's face as he took pictures of it as he cleaned the midget off, but the stench was so powerful, it literally killed EVERYONE on the Hyperion satellite and had it crash-land in Opportunity, resulting in an explosion so massive and so epic it would make the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki look like kids' stuff.

Athena finally opened her eyes and slowly got up to see a massive bloodstain on the wall where a giant nomad laid dead on the front of the building Athena and Wilhelm were currently at. Slowly and carefully, Athena scanned the bullet-holed, corpse-filled room in search of Wilhelm, accidentally crushing a psycho's head, causing it to burst like a watermelon. Retching in disgust and feeling sick to her gills, Athena rushed to the women's room, shoved the security loader out of her way and vomited long and hard into the porcelain goddess that was before her. After hearing a skag get shredded by a Claptrap with a chainsaw and seeing said Claptrap dissolve into a pile of metal bones, Athena resumed upchucking whatever was in her stomach before Wilhelm came in and gently patted her on the back.

"Take your time. I'll wait here until you're finished" Wilhelm spoke softly. "do you think I'll get this puke off my uniform?" Athena asked weakly. Wilhelm chuckled softly and nodded his head. Athena smiled wryly, washed her hands and face, and after the two neatly disposed of the numerous dead bodies that laid before them they headed for Sanctuary hand in hand.

"Wilhelm? Do me a favor, will you?" Athena asked

"Of course. What is it?" Wilhelm responded

"Let us never talk about this again." Athena stated flatly

"Agreed. I think this is one night I'd simply love to forget." Wilhelm responded eloquently before both saw a weary, moss-covered Axton and Maya stagger toward them. Axton had tattoo piercings all over his naval and the left side of his face, and half the hair on his head was burnt off. Maya however had a nose and naval piercing, was wearing a goth punker leather jacket with black eyeliner included, and a new look that would outrival Marilyn Manson.

"wow Maya. You look just like Jared Leto in the new Suicide Squad movie." Wilhelm snickered. "Hahaha, very funny." Maya replied sarcastically. "Don't even ask what we did in the Highlands, ok? Just don't. It's so embarrassing and so degrading I'd rather jump into a giant pool with that big fish dinosaur thing from Jurassic World and let it swallow me whole than tell you what me and my wife did last night while we were intoxicated out of our minds!" Axton shouted

"Um, guys? Who smells? And Zer0, why do you have a smiley face emoticon on your face?" Nisha asked questioningly as she and Moxxi noticed several customers dropping dead from the odd odor that came from Salvador.

"please don't ask. Let's keep that our little secret, muy bien?" Salvador asked flatly. Moxxi moaned and muttered "and I thought it was Roland who had the weirdest nights when he gets drunk"

"HEY! I heard that!" Roland hollered.

"I rest my case." Moxxi flatly responded as she laid down and started to snore. Sensing an opportunity, Nisha snuck over to where Moxxi was sleeping, laid her down on the mattress and turned on the rock radio station at 1,500 watts causing thousands and hundreds of bandits and loaders to suddenly become deaf and either self destruct or explode.

Like I said previously, whatever happens in Moxxi's stays at Moxxi's. Because if it doesn't, well… than this can happen.

 **Don't say we didn't warn you**


End file.
